Trust + Influence: What I Learned During a Lockdown at Heathrow Airport
The following is an excerpt from our January 2026 issue of Hey Leader.
Hey Leader, crafted with thought & care by The Perk, is a monthly email series all with the intention to help you lead better. You belong here!
Hey, Hi! —
Last month, I traveled to London to co-lead a workshop for 40 biopharmaceutical leaders with my friend (& frankly, my business soulmate) Sarah Tilkens. Our friend Mel tagged along for the week, & as we got off the plane at Heathrow Airport, I remember saying to both of them, “Wow. What an effortless travel day!”
(You can probably guess where this is going...)
Right as we were about to walk out the doors, the entire airport went into lockdown.
A “security situation” meant no one could leave, no transportation was running, & no one could tell us what was going on or when things would start moving again.
There we were—exhausted, jet-lagged, about to co-lead a four-day workshop the very next day, bright & early at 8 am—standing in a very long line for a taxi with absolutely ZERO clarity.
Spoiler alert: We didn’t get clarity for over three hours. There were no answers & no timeline.
Somewhere between hours two & three, I was starting to get restless. A little grumpy, too. I looked around & started thinking, “What’s actually in my control right now?”
The honest answer? Not much. Just my mindset & how I chose to show up.
So the three of us made a conscious shift. We cracked jokes with the people around us. We found coffee & snacks & did our best to bring lightness into an otherwise frustrating situation. We even started cheering (loudly) every time a taxi pulled up, because that meant the line to get a taxi moved another few feet.
Pretty sure we looked like this every time another cab arrived:
Nothing about the situation magically improved. But the experience did.
Everyone around us wanted answers. We all did. But while we waited for clarity we didn’t yet have, something else was happening, too: people were watching each other. Looking for cues. Trying to figure out how worried they should be, how patient they needed to be & whether anyone was going to help make the waiting feel more manageable.
And in moments like that, how leaders show up matters just as much as what they know. This is where trust is actually built—not in having answers, but in the small, human behaviors that help people feel grounded & supportedI tell this story because one of the biggest misconceptions about leadership is that influence comes from authority, or from knowing exactly what to do. It doesn’t.
Influence is actually about movement—helping people move in a desired direction.
(Not this kind of movement, although that would be awesome:)
And here’s the part all leaders—especially middle managers who are in between their teams & a higher level of leadership—need to know: you can’t control the behavior of others, but you absolutely can influence it through your own words, actions, consistency & presence.
And the foundational part of all of those things? Trust. Trust is the foundation of influence.
There’s a concept in Change Management that I love, known as “The Parking Brake”. How do you make a care move? You press on the gas pedal. What if the parking brake is up? It doesn’t matter how hard you press on that gas pedal, the car isn’t going to move. Often, when we’re trying to influence or get people to move or change, we push harder. We press on the gas. But what we really need to do is figure out what their parking brake is, & what needs to happen for them to release their parking brake.
A lack of trust is the most common “parking brake” when it comes to leadership.
When teams feel disengaged or resistant, it’s not because they don’t care. It’s because there’s a lack of trust.
The bad news is that trust isn’t something that magically appears. The good news is that you can build it. Trust is built through your words & behaviors, which you are in control of.
So, what actually builds unshakable trust between leaders & teams?
In our work with middle managers, we see the same five trust-building behaviors matter again & again:
Connection: We trust people we feel connected to—the ones who make us feel seen, heard, & valued, both personally & professionally. As Oprah famously put it: All people share the same desire, they want to know, “Do you see me? Do you hear me? Does what I say mean anything to you?”
Clarity: Ambiguity erodes trust, while clear expectations, a clear “why,” & clear follow-through build it. And neuroscience backs it up: When people understand why something matters, the brain releases dopamine—boosting motivation, focus, & energy by signaling that the work is meaningful & worth taking action on.
Consistency: Trust is built when leaders do what they say they’ll do, over time. Consistency turns good intentions into credibility & helps teams feel steady, especially in moments of uncertainty.
Psychological Safety: Leaders build trust by inviting input, listening without defensiveness, normalizing mistakes, & responding with curiosity instead of judgment. When people feel safe to speak up, they contribute more fully & perform at a higher level.
Recognition: Feeling noticed & appreciated changes how people show up at work. We trust leaders who recognize specific behaviors and contributions, making it clear that what we do—and who we are—actually matters.
These behaviors remove friction. They release the “parking brake.”
As with all of the things we teach at The Perk, it’s one thing to know what builds trust & it’s another thing to actually experiment with it. That’s why this month’s Culture Community session is focused on—you guessed it— "Building Unshakable Trust."
At Heathrow waiting in the taxi line (or, the “queue,” as they would say in London), we didn’t have answers—but we did have choices about how we showed up.
Behaviors we could use to influence the people around us. And that’s exactly how trust is built on teams, too: through everyday behaviors that either release the parking brake or keep it firmly in place.
You’re amazing,
5 simple ways to build trust this week
Can’t join us for next week’s workshop? Here are a few small, practical ways to start building trust with your team right now—one for each trust behavior we teach:
Connection: In your next 1:1 or team conversation, eliminate distractions & ask one genuine, non-task question (for example: “What’s feeling hard right now?”), then listen without interrupting or jumping straight to solutions.
Clarity: The next time you assign work, don’t just share what needs to be done—explain why it matters. Even one sentence of context helps people prioritize, stay focused & trust your direction.
Consistency: Pick one small commitment you’ve made (a follow-up, a decision, a check-in) & follow through on it sooner than expected. Reliability, practiced over time, is one of the fastest ways to build trust.
Psychological Safety: Model vulnerability by saying something like, “I might be missing something here,” or “I got that wrong,” or “I’m still figuring this out.” Then invite your team in by asking, “What’s a different perspective we should consider?” or “What’s one idea you have for how we could make this even better?” When leaders go first, others follow.
Recognition: Recognize one person using the FBI Model: name the Behavior you observed, share how it made you Feel, & explain the Impact it had. Specific recognition builds trust far more effectively than a generic “nice work!”
Think of trust like a bank account: make small deposits often. That way, when you need to make a withdrawal—like asking for support or needing to make a big change—you’ve already built the equity to back it up.
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