Trust Yourself + Transform your Leadership

Leah Roe

So before we dive in, for those of you who don't know me, hello, I'm Leah Rowe. I am the founder of the Perk. And what we do at the Perk, we are premier leadership and culture development studio. And our mission is to build the world's best leaders. And there's a lot of other companies out there who do similar work that we do, who do leadership development, culture development, all that good stuff. But what makes us different is our approach. So how we do what we do, that's our magic. That's our secret sauce. So at the Perk, everything we do, we make it fun, we make it human, we make it safe, we make it different and we make it last. So I spend my days as a certified life and leadership coach, a company culture consultant, and also as a fractional chief people and culture officer. And I thought it'd be fun today since some of you do know me, but not everyone to do three fun facts to get to know Leah better. One, I am a super proud mom. I freaking love my kids. I might be a little biased, but I think I have the two best kids in the entire world and Betty Pearl and Maisie Jane.

Leah Roe

They're amazing. Also, they are the reason why I have been sick and congested for going on, I want to say seven months. So I feel fine. I just sound gross because my kids bring home every virus ever. Another fun fact, I was on the prices, right, and I won a lamp. And people have asked to see the lamp. This is the lamp. This is the lamp that I won on the prices, right? It's in my office.

Leah Roe

I'm looking at it right over there.

Leah Roe

Last but not least, if I could instantly be better at apps or instantly be amazing at anything, it would be hip hop dance. I would love to be like an incredible hip hop dancer. Like, all of a sudden we're like doing a coaching session and I just break out into some moves. That would be my dream. That's me in a nutshell. So, some ground rules and expectations for our time together today. First, please be present. Minimize your distractions as much as possible. This can include putting your phone down, silencing your text, silencing, slack messages, all that good stuff. Like, really give yourself the gift of this time of the next hour to really just be present. Focus on your own learning, growth and development. Also, this is not a lecture. Please ask questions throughout. Engage, participate. You can use the chat feature. I have members of my team here who can answer questions throughout. You can raise your hand. What is it? The emoji hand. And so if you do that, if the members of my team could let me know, that would be great. Or you can just jump in, interrupt, ask a question.

Leah Roe

Another thing for today, please be willing to give and receive ideas. Allow yourself to be open, honest and vulnerable in this space. Get outside of your comfort zone. Also, if possible, I would love to see your faces. So many of you have your screens on. If you are able to put your screen on, that would be great. If not, totally understandable. And I would much rather prefer you to be present and here with your screen off than not. Also, today, for the next hour, this is a space to learn, fail, and be messy. There's no perfection expected or needed here. So please don't try to be perfect.

Leah Roe

We're not expecting it.

Leah Roe

Our friend Michelle Ventrini, who spoke at Culture Community many times, she always says this at the beginning of her presentations and I just love it. So I wanted to adopt it for today. And that is, everyone here has something to teach and everyone here has something to learn. So be ready to learn from each other, but also be open to giving your ideas and teaching each other as well. And last but not least, we will be using the annotate feature a lot today. So if you go to the top of your screen and is it under more?

Leah Roe

Look at this. I don't even know how to use it. Sorry. Steph, go ahead.

Leah Roe

Sure.

Steph Llano

So at the top of your screen, you'll see a green, what you see here, that you're viewing Leah's screen. And then there's view options with the carrot drop down. And then you're just going to click on annotate. And that's how you get to the annotate function. And then you can choose text. You can choose a different color of. Your text, but that's how you get there. Thank you, appreciate that.

Leah Roe

Also, let's have some fun today. Who's ready to have fun? Okay, I also need to know how to clear annotates right before we jump in. Yes.

Leah Roe

I did it. Okay, great. Look at that. I'm learning too. This is fun. Okay, so why are we here today, friends?

Leah Roe

We are here to talk about self trust.

Leah Roe

What it is, why it's important, and how to build it. So let's just jump into it. Let's get started. So let's break it down a little bit. Self trust. Let's start with the word trust. What does trust actually mean? Trust means remaining confident and hopeful despite current circumstances. So this can be trust in another person, it could be trust in an object. So I trust my phone even sometimes when it shuts off or is being weird, I remain confident and hopeful that that phone is going to turn back on. So trust is for people and also objects and other things. Self trust is about you. So if trust means remaining confident and hopeful despite current circumstances, self trust means remaining confident and hopeful in yourself and the opportunities of your life despite your current circumstances. So what does this really mean? It means when things are bad in your life, you remain confident and hopeful that they will get better. You remain confident, hopeful that you are capable of taking action, doing things and making things better. When you have self trust, this also means that when things are good in your life, you remain confident and hopeful that you will continue to have and find good in your life.

Leah Roe

So it's not always thinking that the other shoe is going to drop. It means that when you're living in uncertainty and you don't know what to do, you remain confident and hopeful that you are smart, you are capable, and you will figure it out. Self trust also means that when you need help from others, you ask for it. And you don't ever feel like you're a failure for asking for help, or that you're undeserving of somebody's help and support. Self trust also means that when you fail, when you fall down, or you don't show up as the person that you really want to be, you remain confident and hopeful that you are still a good person. You are going to do the right thing, you will forgive yourself and you will move forward. Self trust lives beneath the surface. So it's really like the roots of a tree. Nobody knows how much you trust yourself.

Leah Roe

Only you know.

Leah Roe

No one knows how deep it is, how strong it is. Only you know how much you trust yourself. So I'm curious, how would you assess your self trust right now? One being I have zero trust in myself. Ten being I trust myself with absolutely everything at all times.

Leah Roe

Where would you fall in this spectrum?

Leah Roe

And you can use your annotate to.

Leah Roe

Put a little dot, a little mark, a heart.

Leah Roe

Nice.

Leah Roe

This is fun.

Leah Roe

All these little annotates, they're like little confetti's just popping up.

Leah Roe

Love it. Awesome. Perfect. Thanks, team.

Leah Roe

So I want you to reflect on this. Think, no matter what happens, I trust myself to blank. Take a minute, write this down. No matter what happens, I trust myself to what? And if you feel comfortable, I would love for you to type it in here. Or if anyone wants to share out loud. How would you finish a sentence? No matter what happens, I trust myself to what?

Participant

I trust myself to not stop trying.

Leah Roe

To not stop trying.

Leah Roe

To keep going.

Leah Roe

To bounce back and learn to be authentic, to ask for help.

Leah Roe

Who else wants to say theirs out loud? What do you trust yourself with Ziva, you're like, unmute.

Participant

A reasonable path forward. I was trying to find the unmute, and when you put the annotate up, it went away. So a reasonable path forward.

Leah Roe

Find a reasonable path forward. I also trust you to always find the unmute button.

Participant

Yeah, that makes one of us.

Leah Roe

Who else wants to say there's out loud? What do you trust yourself with?

Participant

I'll keep looking for solutions and actionable. Forward motion. Leah.

Participant

I think mine is like, to continue to trust my intuition. Like my gut.

Participant

I put bounce back and learn, but I want to say it out loud too.

Leah Roe

Heck yeah.

Participant

I put do try my best.

Participant

This is Laura. I always trust myself to press forward, keep faith, and find a way. Amazing.

Leah Roe

Thank you.

Leah Roe

I love that.

Leah Roe

Quick question for my team. Just really quick. Can you all remove these, or do. I have to be the one to remove it? So, Zoom, lesson for a moment. Look at that. Yes.

Steph Llano

We got you. Thanks, team.

Leah Roe

My team always has. I trust that my team is always going to have my back. So when I was doing this exercise, and over the years, as I've been doing my own self trust journey and really working on self trust, these are the things that I always come back to. For me, no matter what happens, I trust myself to always have great and endless ideas. Maybe not everyone thinks they're great, but I think they're great, especially when it comes to business. I trust myself to see opportunities everywhere I look. I trust myself to always find the joy, opportunity, gift, learning, or confetti in every situation. I trust myself to create a connection with everyone I meet to make people feel amazing and unstoppable. And I trust myself to figure it out. Been put in a lot of situations, and we always figure it out. So why is this important? Why is it important to trust yourself? Trusting yourself is essential to living a fulfilling life and being a great leader. When you trust yourself, you take more risks because you're not afraid to fail. This increases your creativity, your innovation, and you go after what you actually want in work and in life.

Leah Roe

When you trust yourself, you're more curious. You ask more questions, because you're not afraid of looking stupid. When you trust yourself, you listen to what you truly need and want, and you advocate for yourself. You get outside of your comfort zone. You try new things. You embrace change. You embrace ambiguity and uncertainty with confidence and enthusiasm. You ask for help when you trust yourself. You ask for help from friends, from family, coworkers, coaches, therapists. You ask for help from whoever you need help from, because you're not afraid of looking weak or incapable.

Leah Roe

And when you trust yourself, you say, I don't know, and you don't freak.

Leah Roe

Out about not having the answers. So I'd love to know from you all which one of these resonates with you right now? Which one resonates the most of why.

Leah Roe

You want strong self trust? Dan Rowe wants to get outside of. His comfort zone and try new things.

Leah Roe

Christy? Ask for help.

Leah Roe

Beth more curious.

Leah Roe

We're all over the board.

Leah Roe

Awesome. Is there a right answer? Yes, there is.

Leah Roe

There's always a right answer and a wrong answer, and I can't wait to call out the people who got it wrong. No, that's awesome. I love that it's all over.

Leah Roe

Okay, let's clear these away. So cool. This is so fun.

Leah Roe

Okay, why else is self trust important? There's more. But wait, there's more. So when you trust yourself, you're clear on what you want. You believe in your capabilities, and you make your dreams come true. You have a growth mindset, you try new things, and as a result, you get more out of life.

Leah Roe

Like, I know I want that one already there. Oh, and that one. You set and hold boundaries that allow you to live life on your terms and what's best for you. When you trust yourself, you live in alignment with your values. You have greater emotional intelligence, vulnerability, and resilience. You have a deeper sense of calm and peace in your work and in your life. Self trust is the antidote to impostor syndrome. So tell me, which one of these resonates most with you right now?

Leah Roe

A lot of impostor syndromes.

Leah Roe

Love it.

Leah Roe

Awesome.

Leah Roe

I'd love to hear from you all. In addition to this, what else is coming up for you? Why is self trust? Why is trusting yourself important to you?

Participant

Leah because if you don't trust yourself, how can you trust others?

Participant

It helps you overcome the urge to stay where you're at. Right? I want to say that I have.

Participant

An engineering degree, and most of my career has been in the women hostile kind of places. And it erodes the self trust because just who I am in those spaces is considered wrong by many people in the spaces. And so I have to work to do the self trust. And I've learned over and over that I can trust myself, and I am right. So I have to really work at it because I've been told that I'm not worthy for so many years, and then still I have the self trust to go to work every day and move forward and believe that it's not true. All that I'm hearing is not true.

Participant

I think I have to have self trust because other people put their trust in me to make good decisions for them, too.

Participant

I think it's also really important to have self trust and able to empower others to have self trust. So really being able to show others that it's important as you're mentoring, as.

Participant

You'Re coaching, and maybe it makes a. Big difference in the conversations you can have.

Participant

I was just about to say something similar, that in that ability to lead by example. It's hard. And sometimes, even if I am confident what I'm saying, I think it's helpful to explain to others why, so that the self trust and the confidence they see has some meat to it. Does that make sense? I do think there's some people have self trust, and I wonder why something that comes up with this is to help explain, right. And to kind of talk people through the self confidence.

Leah Roe

Awesome. Nice job.

Leah Roe

Okay.

Participant

I can add one more thing, Leah, which is I'm realizing that it's really possible to have self trust in some aspects of your life and have no self trust in others. Right? Like, self trust, if you have it. Doesn'T mean it goes across all avenues of work, personal all things. I'm realizing maybe I have it in. Some areas and not others.

Leah Roe

Yeah, 100%.

Leah Roe

Awesome.

Leah Roe

So I told you three fun facts about me at the beginning. Here's three fun facts about self trust. Number one, it is a choice.

Leah Roe

You can choose to trust yourself. It's also in your control. Yes, other people can have an effect on your self trust, but ultimately, you are in control of it unless it's not fixed. So it's not like you were born with this amount of self trust, and you can never change. It is something that you can grow and you can strengthen over time. Andy like you were saying, it's something you can grow and strengthen in different areas of your life, because you might be really strong in one place, but you aren't strong in another. So you can strengthen your self trust. It's not something that just magically appears out of nowhere and remains and mysteriously vanishes. Your self trust doesn't happen by default. It happens by design. And the things that we do behaviors are what build trust. Behaviors are what break trust. And trust is a set of learned behaviors. And so there are five core trust behaviors that we will focus on to build our self trust, and they are connect, create, safety, commit, be clear, and celebrate. And I love to think of these five behaviors like confetti. So an individual piece of confetti is called a confetto. It's a real thing. I learned it from Sheldon Cooper on The Big Bang Theory. So these are like five individual confettos. And we have these confetti jars. I don't know if anyone we do confetti jars for our clients, so I don't know if anyone has one near them. But we make confetti jars so that you can celebrate on Zoom or in real life, but contain the mess. And so I was thinking about this where it's like what you want to do is you want to create a self trust confetti jar. So it's like every time you do an action that will go over, you do these things to build self trust. It's like putting in a confetto. And the more you put in, the greater self trust part you have. So everyone, let's fill up our self trust confetti jar.

Leah Roe

So the first behavior, the first thing we do to build self trust is connect. So you can't trust yourself until you know yourself. So do you know you? Do you feel seen, heard and valued by yourself? We talk about this all the time in our cultures. We need to make sure our people feel seen, heard, and valued. But do you feel seen, heard and valued? I didn't get that. Could you try again? Series on it. But do you feel seen, heard and valued by you? So this is all about learning about who you are, what you stand for, what you want in life, your unique perspectives and how your experience of your life have shaped you. So the two best ways to connect are to get curious and to listen. So get curious with yourself. Give yourself time and space to reflect. Ask yourself powerful questions that help you get to know you better. What are your unique perspectives? What are your values? What are your goals? What are your aspirations? What do you actually want? Not what do other people want for you? What do you actually want? Also, when something happens, don't just ignore your feelings or try to change your mood really quickly. Get curious with yourself.

Leah Roe

Take a step back.

Leah Roe

Become aware of what you're thinking and feeling. Name it. Ask yourself, what am I feeling right now? What are the thoughts I'm having about this situation that are creating these feelings for me? What's important about this for me? What do I want from this situation? What am I learning about myself from what's happening right now? And then you also need to listen to yourself. You need to hold a safe, non judgmental space for yourself and listen to what's going on with you. And listen to understand, not to respond. This is something I've really learned. Steph has been instrumental in teaching me about listening to what your body is telling you. So Steph, I don't know if you want to jump in and add anything here, but what I've learned from Steph is that when you have a gut feeling and you don't allow yourself to get curious and listen to what your gut is saying, you are sending the message that you don't trust your gut. And your gut is going to stop sending you messages because it's getting the information from you that you don't trust it.

Leah Roe

Steph, I don't know if you want. To jump in and add anything to that or if I did it justice in what you've taught me.

Steph Llano

Yeah, no, you've done it absolute justice. And it's not just gut feelings too. What I've learned about listen to what your body is telling you is even the smallest things of like, if your body is telling you that it's thirsty, give it some water. So just like continually building that feedback loop of like, I hear you, I'm listening to what you're telling me, just so that it'll keep telling you those things. You just build those even on the. Smallest little cues that it's giving you.

Participant

Can I ask a question on the gut? Listen to your gut. What if your gut is sending you a message that's, like, a really strong message and you can't act on it?

Leah Roe

Right.

Participant

It's like something you're like, oh, okay, yeah, I hear you. That's something I can't actually act on right in this moment.

Participant

Is there a way to like and. It's probably as simple as being like. Hey, I hear you and I'm listening. We can talk about that more later, like, to yourself, which sounds kind of silly, but I'm curious stuff. Leah is that enough so your body doesn't stop sending you messages? Because sometimes you can't always act on the gut feeling.

Steph Llano

Yeah, I would get curious with yourself, like, if you can't act on the full gut feeling, like, what's one thing that you could do that would send that message of, like, I hear you. So maybe it's writing it down. Maybe it's creating a plan for how you can put that into action if you can't do it right now. But it's just trying to create that loop.

Leah Roe

So just, what's one thing that you could do with it if you can't do it all? Yeah, I like that idea of writing it down. So it's like you're sending the message of, like, even if we can't take action right in this minute, I'm always listening to you.

Leah Roe

And we'll come back to it.

Leah Roe

When we're doing workshops, we call that parking lot. When something comes up, we'll put it on the parking lot. We'll come back to it.

Participant

I call it my pocket. I'm going to write that down. I'm going to put it in my pocket and I'll come back to it. Sorry. Go ahead.

Participant

No, that's great. Christy I have a similar thing I do, especially when I can't sleep at night. I'll have a notebook by my bed because somehow my brain knows if I. Wrote it down, it's safe. We'll revisit this later.

Participant

Excellent. Same. Jess. Yeah, I do, too.

Leah Roe

So tell me, trust your gut in this moment. What is your gut telling you right now?

Leah Roe

You can type or share out loud.

Leah Roe

Take more risks. Seek a new job.

Leah Roe

Take days off. Yes. Have a lot of my plate.

Leah Roe

I know the direction. I want my career to go. Live more intentionally.

Leah Roe

Shovel the sidewalk. Dan, you already did that this morning.

Leah Roe

Don't be afraid of change.

Leah Roe

Be present. Slow down. Make more dates with friends.

Leah Roe

Amazing.

Leah Roe

One thing I want to note, too, is we're going through these questions. These questions are all to help you strengthen your self trust. So this is a way to connect with yourself. By asking this question, you can also jot these down. These are great questions to ask your team as well. In one on ones it's a great way to connect with them and help.

Leah Roe

Them build their self trust as well. All right, let's clear. Awesome.

Leah Roe

So that's connect. Now let's talk about creating safety. How do you talk to yourself? Do you allow yourself to fail or make mistakes? Do you create a judgment free space for yourself to learn and grow? We talk a lot in the culture world here at Culture Community about creating psychologically safe cultures at our companies for our people. But what about your internal culture? What's going on in your head? Is your internal culture psychologically safe? When you make a mistake, do you think things like, you are such a moron. What's wrong with you? Or are you thinking things like, I am a good person who made a mistake? What can I learn from this? These two different thoughts will have totally. Different results for you and your life.

Leah Roe

And so if you've ever worked with me, you know I am slightly obsessed with mindset and also the thought model. So this is a tool that really helps us understand why our thoughts are so important, why the things that we say to ourselves are so important. And so what the thought model teaches us is that we have circumstances in our life and in our work that are out of our control. And it is our thoughts about those circumstances that create our feelings, which drive our actions, which drive our results. So if you don't like the way that you feel about something or a situation, you need to pull it back to your thoughts, because it's the thoughts that you're having about it that are creating those feelings for you. And if you don't like the results that you're getting in your work or in your life, you need to pull it back to your thoughts. What's the mindset you have on this? Because it is ultimately creating all of that for you. So your mindset ultimately creates your reality and your results, and it directly impacts whether you succeed or fail in life and at work.

Leah Roe

So your mind can be your best friend, or it can be your worst enemy. So really start noticing, how are you talking to yourself when something bad happens? What are the thoughts that you're thinking? Is your internal culture psychologically safe? And so a lot of times in. Coaching, we talk about all the things that are out of our control and the things that are within our control and really focusing on what we can control. And your mindset and the way that you talk to yourself internally, those are things that are always in your control. So I'd love to hear from you. What is something you failed at recently?

Leah Roe

What did you learn from that failure? Let's celebrate it. Let's celebrate our failures.

Participant

Okay, here we go.

Leah Roe

Do it.

Participant

So at the beginning of November, the wonderful company that I work for, Exact sciences, had a mass layoff, and I got caught in it. So I've been working my way through. That for the last two months, and I noticed that November and December, a lot of companies in the Madison area had big layoffs, so there was nothing to apply to. Like, there were no jobs, nothing. And so I had to really and continue to have to work through my own value. Like, it wasn't my fault my boss didn't want to lay me off. I don't know if I'd call that a failure, but it certainly is a lot that I'm processing. Like something happened. What do I think about how am I feeling about it? Like that whole length path that you talked about a slide earlier.

Leah Roe

Yeah. It's a gut punch even when it's not your fault.

Participant

Absolutely. Yeah. That's where thought work is really important.

Leah Roe

That's a fact.

Participant

That's why I'm here.

Leah Roe

Think about it. Totally. Thank you for sharing. One thing. Somebody failed at prioritizing my self care. What did you learn? I can't afford not to prioritize myself.

Leah Roe

Yes.

Leah Roe

Being a team of one in the HR department for three months, I learned that I can't take on as much as I think I can without things falling through the cracks.

Leah Roe

Totally.

Leah Roe

Learn to prioritize better and say no or set a realistic timeline.

Leah Roe

Love this.

Leah Roe

Again, this is another great question to ask your team in one on ones. This is a way to create psychological safety at your company. Let's start talking about failures. Let's start talking about what we learned from them.

Leah Roe

Celebrate them a little bit.

Leah Roe

If you don't take risks, you're not going to fail. So it's also a way to create a company that values taking risks, trying new things, innovating, being creative.

Leah Roe

Okay.

Leah Roe

The next behavior to build trust is commit. So do you do the things that you say you're going to do for yourself? So this is all about reliability and follow through. One of the fastest ways that you can destroy trust with yourself is to make a bunch of promises and things you're going to do and then not follow through with them. And so one of our clients, they talk about say do ratio a lot at their company. So what's our say do ratio? And so think about this for yourself. What is your personal say do ratio? How often are you actually doing the things that you say you want to do for yourself?

Leah Roe

Here we go.

Leah Roe

So some things that can help with this. Don't set unrealistic expectations for yourself. I learned from Renee Brown that disappointment comes from unmet expectations. So if you're constantly disappointed with yourself, maybe you're setting bad expectations, reset them. You're in control of that. So don't set unrealistic expectations for yourself. Also, before you say yes to everything, really think through one, do I actually want to do this? And do I have the time and space to do it? So only commit to what you know you can follow through with. And this is so much easier said than done, because to do this, it requires that you know your own boundaries and that you set them and you hold them and you communicate them and to know your own limitations. This is also a really hard one because we as humans, we love committing to things because we're enthusiastic, we're excited, we want to do all these things. And then life happens. Our kids get sick for like, six months. I'm not joking. These kids are always sick. And so all of a sudden, you can't follow through on all these things that you wanted to do for yourself.

Leah Roe

That's really when you need to take a step back and say, okay, with where I'm at right now, what boundaries do I need to reset? What expectations do I need to reset? How can I recommit to myself? So I want to know from all of you, what is a promise that you have made to yourself and you've kept?

Leah Roe

Grad school. Nice. Monday night yoga, going back to school, training to run a five K. Does.

Leah Roe

Anyone have one they want to say out loud?

Participant

Yes. I'm getting coached on my strengths and it's something that I've been noodling on and have some awareness of my strengths, but want more and to help me also with my own self awareness. Tomorrow is my first strengths. So coaching. So excited for it. Yes.

Leah Roe

That's amazing.

Leah Roe

How about one more? Who wants to share out loud promise.

Leah Roe

You've made and kept to yourself?

Participant

This is one I've done for a long time, but I need a workout every day and it needs to be my time. And so finding that time and going and doing it, no matter even when.

Participant

I want to fall asleep yes, beth, you are very inspirational to me. One day I'll break right without it. That's awesome. Nice job, everyone. So we can clear that now. I want to know right here, right now, what's a new promise that you want to make to yourself. What's a promise you're going to make right now?

Leah Roe

Remember, don't set unrealistic expectations.

Leah Roe

What's a promise you want to make and you're going to commit to yourself to actually follow through with it.

Leah Roe

We're going to hold you all accountable. I'm just kidding. Unless you want us to.

Leah Roe

Read one new book a month.

Leah Roe

Eat Healthier. Finish grad school this semester. What was that? Finish grad school this semester. Nice.

Steph Llano

Take a real lunch break. Yes. Post a video on LinkedIn today.

Leah Roe

Yes.

Leah Roe

Cook better. Who else wants to say one out loud?

Participant

Drink more water and less coffee.

Leah Roe

I can get on with the drink more water. I don't know if I could drink.

Leah Roe

Less coffee, I could add water.

Participant

Carving out time for myself to really just create white space to sit and be and think instead of always doing all the time.

Leah Roe

Yeah. Jess, were you going to say one?

Participant

Yeah, I was going to say I need to be mindful in the mornings before I start things. So meditation or journaling, do you need.

Leah Roe

To or do you want to?

Participant

I really want to.

Leah Roe

I love to. Awesome. Amazing. Okay. Our next behavior to build trust with yourself is all about clarity. So being clear. Are you clear on who you are? Are you clear on what you want, what you stand for? And do you clearly communicate this to others?

Leah Roe

So it's important for us that we establish clear expectations, goals, priorities, values, roles, ownership areas and boundaries. For us, it's also really important that we communicate these things to others. And you're probably going to have to communicate multiple times. It's really hard to create and set a boundary and then communicate it, but you're probably going to have to communicate it several times so that people understand. Also with clarity, it's really important that you show up consistently. So if you only hold a boundary that you've set, sometimes people are not clear on what you actually want and what your boundary actually is. So tell me what is a boundary. That you have set and held?

Leah Roe

930 bedtime.

Leah Roe

Yes. It's honestly late for me. I'm in bed by like eight when in the office leaving at five so I can spend time with my family. I literally can't think of one. Love the honesty and openness. What's the, say one out loud. What's a boundary that you've set and held?

Participant

I have one that relates to my kids. We've got three, a couple of them are little, are almost twelve and ten, and they love their screens. Love their screens. And so it took us a long time, but we finally have actually held the boundary of only an hour a day on school days. But to do that we had to make it visual. So that was going to be my tip, is that we have signs up, we track it, we make sure and just having a little sign up as a reminder helped immensely because otherwise sort of out of sight, out of mind. So write your goals down, put them up where everyone can see them.It really helps. I love that.

Leah Roe

Who else?

Leah Roe

I'm curious what would be powerful or helpful of asking the people that you work with or lead this question?

Participant

I think in our case, the people that we lead, maybe not necessarily boundaries in terms of outside of work, but boundaries within work and timelines. And ask of people how realistic are they being and where are the initial boundaries that are set in terms of can we do this, should we do this? When and where does it make sense to push or stop? And being honest about that stopping point?

Leah Roe

Yeah, absolutely.

Participant

Just by asking people what their boundaries are, you're giving them permission to have boundaries.

Leah Roe

Yeah, I love that.

Participant

I think it tells you a lot about what's important to them, kind of what their morals and values would be rooted in through their boundaries. Yeah, absolutely. So another part about clarity, being clear.

Leah Roe

On your boundaries, it's also being clear on what you want and communicating what you want. So I want to know what's your dream? Tell me, is Andy still on here? They have an awesome stat at Dream.

Leah Roe

Bank that it's like, I don't know. You're like 30% more likely to achieve it or something if you say it out loud. Retire at 55.

Leah Roe

Yes.

Participant

Launching my business.

Leah Roe

What did you say?

Participant

Just Johnson launching my business. So probably a lot of people know this about me, but mine is to move to Spain. So it's going to happen.

Leah Roe

Yes.

Participant

Not sure when going to happen.

Leah Roe

Who else has a dream?

Participant

Well, I'm figuring mine out. Sorry, Dan, did you want to go ahead.

Participant

Oh, I was just going to say I feel like sometimes that is it possible that I dream too small? I know we're not supposed to dream too big or I don't know, but I feel like my dream is just to keep doing what I'm doing. I don't know. You're living your dream, I guess.

Leah Roe

It's amazing.

Participant

Hooray for me.

Participant

Hooray for Dan. Kelly, what were you going to say? Yeah, I'm still figuring it out, which I'm okay with, but I know that there's some key ingredients of helping others. Women come to mind, helping women know themselves so that they can be confident in how they move in the world.

Participant

In their I don't know if it's. Strictly professional spaces, personal spaces, and figuring it out, but those are some things. That I'm getting more clear on. Love that.

Leah Roe

Thanks for sharing. I'm curious what is helpful or powerful about asking this question to the people you lead? Well, if you're leading them, you can help them knowing what their goals are, you could have conversations about how you can support them in getting clearer, getting closer.

Participant

I think Leah also establishes whether or not they're aligned, like, in their dream and their current situation and whether or not you're as a leader, moving them closer to that path or not.

Leah Roe

Yeah.

Participant

It shows that you're concerned about them.

Leah Roe

About them as a person. Yeah.

Leah Roe

It's not asking, what project do you want to work on at this company next year?

Leah Roe

It's like, what do you want in your life? What's your dream?

Participant

I think dreams reveal a lot about values and what motivates, and so it. Can help you know where to best. Use people because people work better when. They're in that value dreams place. Yeah, absolutely.

Leah Roe

All right, our last behavior is celebrate. So tell me, do you recognize and celebrate yourself for all the amazingness that you are, for all the amazing things you have done and all the amazing things you will do? Some self celebration tips. Celebrate the steps, not just the results. Celebrate the progress that you make towards your goals, towards living the life that you want. Just whatever you want. Celebrate the progress, not just the big wins, but definitely celebrate the big wins as well. And then also celebrate in the way.

Leah Roe

That you want, in the way that is authentic for you. If you're celebrating a big accomplishment and someone's like, oh, we should go out to dinner and celebrate, if that's how you like to celebrate.

Leah Roe

If you're like. Actually, I just want to go for a walk by myself and listen to a podcast and celebrate. That's great. But get clear on how you like to celebrate and do it that way. And communicate to other people, too, how you want to celebrate authentic celebration. So tell me, what is one thing you love about yourself? I don't want to hear something that you like about yourself. What is one thing that you love about yourself?

Leah Roe

I take risks. Hell yeah, you do, Diana. Love that.

Leah Roe

Give great gifts. I'm strong. I'm funny. Make genuine connections with people easily.

Leah Roe

Who wants to say theirs out loud?

Leah Roe

It's one thing you love about yourself.

Participant

I love that I genuinely listen to people when they talk to me.

Participant

I was going to say something similar.

Participant

To that of like, I listen, but I also call my superpowers is, like, I can translate between people I can understand and be able to interpret and help people understand each other.

Leah Roe

Beth, can you say that for me? Can you say what I love about myself is what I love about myself.

Participant

Is that I am a strong communicator and can translate between different types of people when they're talking past each other.

Participant

It's a good skill.

Leah Roe

How about one more?

Leah Roe

You coach with me. You know I'm good at holding silences in space.

Participant

What I love about myself is that people will open up to me and tell me personal things, and then we have prayer together. And that's something I enjoy.

Leah Roe

Something you love about yourself? Love it.

Leah Roe

Okay.

Leah Roe

I want to love about myself.

Participant

Like Dan says, I crack myself up all the time.

Participant

That's the best. I love that. Okay.

Leah Roe

What is one thing you want to throw self confetti for? What are you celebrating about yourself right now? If you had a whole bunch of confetti, you would just throw it over yourself right now.

Leah Roe

What are you celebrating about? You.

Participant

I just keep going. Stuff gets tough, and I just keep moving forward and that progress feels really good.

Participant

I am crushing my goals and trying new things.

Leah Roe

Yes. Throw that self confetti.

Participant

I moved across the country and left the known for the unknown.

Leah Roe

I am really happy yes.

Leah Roe

Not allowing others to steal joy from me. My new promotion. Yay.

Leah Roe

Who wants to say one out loud? Let us celebrate you.

Participant

So, Leah, I've had a couple of tough team meetings here with my team, and I did this weird thing to. Kind of get some thoughts and ideas out of people. And at the end of it, the team asked to do it again in three months. And I was like, okay, that's a win.

Leah Roe

That's amazing.

Leah Roe

You have to tell me after what this weird thing is now. I really want to know. I love it.

Leah Roe

Awesome.

Leah Roe

So these five confettos, I want you to take them. I want you to do these things, do things in these realm every single day. Throw a self trust party.

Leah Roe

This is going to be you.

Leah Roe

Look at that. Look at all this self trust you're building. And confetti is amazing. And the only thing that makes confetti better is a confetti cannon. And your confetti cannon with self trust is consistency. So you need to make sure that you are doing these things consistently to maintain, build, and strengthen your self trust.

Leah Roe

So your goal for this year, I want you to set your own goals. But the goal I'm going to challenge. You with, I want you to fill up your self confetti jar. Connect with yourself, create safety, commit. Do the things that you want. Commit to doing the things that you actually want to do for yourself. Be clear. Be clear on who you are, what you stand for, and communicate that to others and celebrate. You all are amazing. You're doing amazing things. Give yourself some grace and celebrate the crap out of yourselves. Or call me and I will celebrate the crap out of you, for you and with you. And I have a fun offer for you. If you want to make your own real life self confetti jar, we'll put this in the chat, fill out a form, we'll send it to you. We'll send you a little jar. We'll send you the confetti.

Leah Roe

You get to make your own. Just a little fun for you.

Leah Roe

So I'd love to hear from you all. With these five behaviors, which one, if mastered, would have the greatest impact for you this year? So which one do you really want to focus on this year?

Participant

I think I have the first four nailed. But the celebration part I'm a little slow with, so I have to get a little more exuberant in my celebrations.

Leah Roe

I think of it.

Leah Roe

Jot a note down.

Leah Roe

So I'll help you. Dan.

Participant

Committing for a full year for sure will be a big one. It's easy between January and March, but as things come up and the year changes, it's, backing off of those commitments becomes a lot easier. So stay in the course for a full twelve months.

Leah Roe

Yeah.

Leah Roe

A lot of you said commit.

Leah Roe

Who else wants to share which one. Would have the greatest impact on you this year?

Participant

Being clear. Definitely being clear.

Participant

I think I know everything in my head, and I kind of assume everybody around me does too. And I'm realizing today they don't. That's why there's conflict.

Leah Roe

Totally.

Leah Roe

All right. And I want to know, from your perspective, in what ways will strengthening your self trust help you to be a better leader?

Leah Roe

Can type it, or you can share out loud.

Participant

I think when you trust yourself, you're more relaxed in every situation. And when you're relaxed in every situation, the people around you I don't know if they subliminally pick up on it, they become more relaxed and they feel more safe, and then they can do better work. So it just sort of like snowballs somehow. I think when you trust yourself, you.

Participant

Tend to create better relationships with others.

Participant

Which brings you to the trust equity, emotional currency things, relational currency, things like that.

Leah Roe

Yeah.

Participant

I'm sorry for this reference for people who are new to the group, but a while ago, Michelle did a presentation, and she talked about how leaders reactions kind of correlate into these final results. And so I'm kind of having a callback to that part of her presentation where if you can be more proactive, more trusting of yourself, that you can create these better results on your team through giving them confidence.

Leah Roe

Yeah.

Participant

I think when you trust yourself, you're more connected to your true self and there's less ego in the way, which helps to cultivate those closer relationships and less defensiveness on your own part. You don't need to be right. You want to connect. So that's what I would add.

Leah Roe

Amazing. So let's clear this one. I think it's my last question. So what will you do? What will you do to help those around you strengthen their self trust?

Participant

Use these questions as a guide in your one on one interaction. Yeah. What else? Be vulnerable. Yeah.

Participant

Tell them when you see them doing these things. I think these are great words to.

Participant

Use when you notice it. What else?

Participant

We should celebrate their self trust.

Leah Roe

Yes. Love it. Yay.

Leah Roe

You did it. You made it through the self trust master class. That's what we're calling it. So what are you going to commit to in coaching? Coaching is not coaching without commitment and action. Otherwise, we're just having a nice high level conversation. So what are you going to take from today? What's one thing you're going to take from today and put into action in the next 30 days? Write it down. What's your commitment? And I want to hear some people share out loud.

Leah Roe

What are you committing to do from. Anything you learned or took from today? What are you going to put into action?

Participant

Journaling about my thoughts so that I can see them more clearly and get rid of any of the ones that aren't working for me. Yeah.

Steph Llano

Drop them like a bad habit.

Leah Roe

They're not serving you.

Participant

My 04:30 a.m. Exercise routine.

Leah Roe

You can call Beth. She's probably working out at that time too.

Participant

If you mean am, yes.

Leah Roe

Yes. Am.

Participant

Doing at least one thing every week to connect with a friend, somebody who I want to become a tighter connection with.

Leah Roe

Yes, Beth, I'll hang out with you, if that's what you were asking. We're overdue.

Leah Roe

What else? How about one more commitment.

Participant

Mine is the same as Christie's, which. Is just be more intentional about connecting with myself. And even if I sometimes journal make that the intention of journaling is being curious with myself as a starting point.

Leah Roe

Yes, I think it's is. It the Walt Whitman quotes like be curious, not judgmental. Like, that's a really important one when you're journaling too, don't be judgmental with what's going on with you or your thoughts. Just get curious.

Participant

I've heard be a scientist and not a judge. Like put on your lab coat, not your judge's robes.

Leah Roe

Love that. Awesome.

Leah Roe

And so I do want to know if you want to go deeper, if you want to dive deeper with self trust. This is really something we explore and work a lot on in the one on one coaching that we do. So if you're interested in learning more about one on one coaching or how you can really strengthen your self trust this year, you can either email me or we'll put in the chat on our website. You can check out our one on one coaching. And I thought this was a really fun way to kind of share with you about coaching at the Perk. So a lot of times when people come to us and they start working with us, they look like this. They feel overwhelmed, they feel exhausted, they feel unsure, and they turn into this throwing confetti. Clear, confident, fulfilled. Some people come to us and they look like this. They feel underwhelmed, they're like meh, things are okay, but I want more. But I don't know what that is. And then through one on one coaching.

Leah Roe

They look like this.

Leah Roe

They get clear, confident, and fulfilled. I know a few of you on here have done one on one coaching with us. So you are not forced to say anything, but if you'd like to share anything, that's great. Otherwise you all are amazing and I would love to open up the floor. We have 7 minutes for any other questions or thoughts or ideas or things you'd like to share with the group before you take off and go make insane impact in the world.

Leah Roe

Anyone?

Participant

Thanks. Leah. This was amazing.

Leah Roe

Thank you. Makes life amazingly better.

Leah Roe

That's awesome. Who did I have to pay to say that? Dan.

Participant

It was me. And I'm honest. Any questions, any thoughts, any ideas?

Participant

Yeah, I just want to say thank you. This was so great. I've heard your trust talk before from like an external team building kind of a thing, but I've never thought about it from a very introspective, like how do you start the building blocks with yourself? So this was similar content, but really refreshing. And I am a coaching client of the Perk. I've been twice now. So if you want coaching, it's the best business decision I made since starting my company. So there you go people.

Participant

You didn't fail the first time and had to come back and redo the course.

Participant

No, I feel like every time I get a little bit further up, that.

Participant

Was doing its job. Thanks, Dana.

Leah Roe

Well, you are all amazing. Thank you for showing up. Thank you for being so present and engaged.

Leah Roe

It's just fun. It's really fun hanging out with all of you. So what are you going to do? What are you going to go do with your team or with your company right now?

Participant

Can we just stay on this zoom for a couple more hours?

Leah Roe

Yeah, let's just do a big group zoom hug.

Participant

I'm going to go share the amazing energy that you poured into all of us today.

Leah Roe

Thank you.

Leah Roe

It's going to be so good.

Leah Roe

You're all amazing. Is my email in the chat? If anyone has if anyone has any other questions or comments, concerns or anything you want, just more information on our ways to help your team with any of this, please reach out. This is my jam, and I totally adore each and every one of you and want to help in any way.

Leah Roe

I can, so thank you.

Participant

Thanks.

Leah Roe

Be amazing.

Participant

Thank you.

Leah Roe

Thanks, everyone. Bye, everyone. Thanks.