Trust by Design: How to Scale Trust to Maximize Belonging & Results

Leah Roe

So. And we're recording. Fantastic. So we're not together for too long today, a little over an hour. But I do want to establish some ground rules and expectations for our time together. First, please be present. I would love for you to eliminate distractions as much as possible and give yourselves the gift of this time and space to learn and grow. Please also engage part participate today. Ask questions. Ask questions in the chat. You can raise your hand using the emojis. You can come off mute and just ask questions. But I really want you to participate today. And there's no such thing as a stupid question. Also, there will be an opportunity for you to sign up if you want this slide deck afterwards. So don't feel like you need to be taking a ton of notes or taking screenshots or anything like that. Just really be present and engaged in the session today. I would also love for everyone to choose to be open minded today. An intention we like to bring into all of our workshops, which we have from the amazing Michelle Venturini, is that everyone here has something to learn and everyone here has something to teach.

Leah Roe

So be open to learning new things, learning from the content I'm going to present today, learning from those who are sharing their experiences and thoughts. And then also be open to teaching everyone something. Be open to sharing your ideas, your thoughts, your challenges with that intention, to serve and to teach. And last but not least, can we have some fun? Trust can be fun, right? Yes. All right. So with that, let's get to our why. Why are we here today at culture community? We are here today to talk about trust. So we're going to talk about what trust is, why it's important. And then we're going to dive into the how. How do we actually build and scale it intentionally? And you are going to learn five core trust behaviors. And it's a really good thing that we are getting together to talk about trust today, because I don't know if anyone else saw this article. It came out last week or the week before from great place to work. And they said they had six workplace culture trends for 2024 that every company should watch. And number one, the number one culture trend is make trust the most important asset for your business.

Leah Roe

So this is not just a fun word or a fad or anything like this. It's a really important element that is foundational to the cultures that we're building. And Michael Bush, the CEO of great placework, he said, we're entering an era where trust will mean ten times what it meant in 2023. So this is a big deal. And I'm glad you're all here so you can be focusing on this as you build out your cultures. Okay, who's ready for trust? Great. Let's go. So trust. Trust is not something that just magically appears and hangs out until one day it mysteriously vanishes. Trust isn't something that just happens by default. It happens by design. And it is our behaviors that build trust, the things that we do. It is also our behaviors that break trust. And lucky for us humans, trust is a set of learned behaviors. So you're not born with a fixed amount of trust building capabilities. These are behaviors that you can strengthen, you can learn, you can hone over time. And I want to know for you, I'm turning it over to you all. You can use the chat come off mute.

Leah Roe

What does trust feel like for you? How do you know when trust exists between you and another person? How do you know? We have a hand raised. Noel, is it? Noel, is that how you pronounce it?

Participant

Yep, you got it. Leah. For me, it's when we can give and receive feedback and know that we are truly focused on making each other better and that it's not a competition. There's enough room at the table for everyone to thrive.

Leah Roe

Yeah, I love that. Who else wants to share? Brittany. Hi, Leah. Hi. For me, trust.

Participant

I know when trust exists. When I have seen behaviors that help me trust somebody, so I have seen somebody support me, be there for me and I can trust them. Versus if I have seen behaviors that kind of make me hesitate a little bit to trust somebody, then I might hold back a little bit and being truly vulnerable, truly open with somebody.

Leah Roe

Absolutely. Thanks for sharing, Brittany.

Participant

Troy, sometimes you can just take a deep breath and know that they've got your back and you've got them. That deep breath is kind of a relief that you're not having to watch your back always.

Leah Roe

Yeah. You're not having to hold your breath. It's not like shallow breathing. You're like, this person got, they have my back. How about one more? How do you know when trust exists between you and another person? Or how do you know what trust on a team. How can you tell? Wendy.

Participant

Good morning, everyone. I think of it this way, trust in personal relationships, but also on a team, is like when you can let your freak flag fly. Like, let those ideas come out. No idea is a bad idea. We're all a little weird. It's a safe place to be a little weird. We actually love it and embrace it because it makes us unique and diverse and it always feels safe to do that. You know, there's not going to be judgment. You know, there's not going to be that coworker having a little chat about your weirdness behind your back. Everybody's on board, and there's just, like, this space to be weird, get weird, get creative, and come up with all the good stuff. That's what trust feels like for me on a team.

Leah Roe

I love that. Thanks for sharing. Wendy. A lot of the words you use, no judgment. Use the word safe a lot. Safety. Huge. So let's talk about the why. That's a little bit about what trust is. Trust is built by behavior. Now, why is it important to you? This is another audience participation one. Why is trust important? Why do you even care to have trust with another person? I'm super good at holding lulls in conversation. Just so you all know. It's a coaching skill. Practice it over time. Hold the space, hold the silence. Noel, I try not to be the.

Participant

First person every time. To me, it's a matter of if there's trust, then my stress level can be lower and I can be at my best, and my team can be at their best. And if there's not trust, then that holding back those ideas, not being able to come to fruition, all of that is stressful. Like, it makes you feel uncomfortable. And as humans, our biology tells us that that's fight or flight, right? So I don't want to live in that stress zone all day.

Leah Roe

So trust is important to you. It lowers your stress. It allows you to be your best, allows your team to be their best. You share those ideas. Fantastic. Who else? Why is trust important to you, or why is it important to your organization? Bobby.

Participant

Morning. I think it's important because I think we as humans need each other, and I think there's a lot that we need. We can't do it all alone and without trust, you feel like you're carrying everything your own. I feel like when I have trust at work, I feel like I can be a better mom, a better wife, a better human. And I think those are just really important, that if I have my work family that's balanced and I feel like all the things Noelle shared, then I'm able to be my best self all the way around. So, something I heard from you. Your trust, trust at work and on your team, it spills over into your personal life, too. Yeah. Is it pronounced Mediha? Yes, it is.

Leah Roe

Great. Fantastic.

Participant

I'll speak about why trust is important to me in the workplace context, in the team context that having trust is really important because it also increases team cohesiveness.And also, then when you have that, then workflows much more better. And when you work together, things are much more easier than you're just on your own.

Leah Roe

Yes, they say trust is like the engine oil. When you're all working together and things are moving fast, there can be a lot of friction in, like, a car engine. And trust is really the oil. It keeps it lubricated, it keeps things moving smoothly. Exactly. So let me give you some other reasons of why trust is important. So, in the work that we do in terms of culture and leadership development, we always talk with our clients how strong organizational cultures are built on a foundation of three things. Trust, communication, and alignment. So if you are having an issue on your team or in your culture, it is one of these three things. It is either a trust issue, a communication issue, or an alignment issue. And in our experience, 90% of the time, it is a trust issue. Even when it starts out as a communication or alignment issue, when you break it down, it truly, at its heart, is a trust issue. Another reason why trust is important.

Leah Roe

So, David Horsiger, he is a fantastic. His books are absolutely incredible. This information is pulled from his trusted leader, eight pillars that drive results. So he has spent his entire career researching trust in organizations, which I'm super jealous of his life, because I feel like that would just be a really cool job. But through his research, he found that a lack of trust affects the bottom line more than anything else. For those of you who don't know, I actually started out my career as a CPA. So whenever I find something where it's like, I don't know, some financial information mixed with trust, communication, alignment, culture, stuff, like, my whole body just lights up and I get so excited. So reading this, my mind was blown. A lack of trust affects the bottom line more than anything else. Trust affects every single area of your organization. So I want you to think about this. Raise your hand. Do you want to work for a leader who you do not trust, who's like, heck yes, I love working for people I don't trust. Okay. I see no hands raised on my screen. Do you want to work alongside a team member who you don't trust?

Leah Roe

How hard are you going to work? How engaged are you going to be on that team? You don't trust any of them. Do you like doing business with people or brands who you do not trust? Do you buy products and services from people or brands that you do not trust? No. Right. Okay. Those were all very leading questions, not a good coaching skill. But the answer was no on all those things. We want to work for leaders that we trust. We work hard for leaders that we trust. We want to work with teammates that we trust. And ultimately, we buy products and services from people and from brands that we like and trust. And so when we work with our clients, they'll come and they'll say, we want better productivity. We want higher productivity. We want better performance. We want better employee well being. We want our employees to be more engaged. We want to see them being more innovative, being more creative. We want to grow. We want to scale. We want to have excellent communication across the company. We want everyone to feel included. They want them feel like they belong. We want our attention scores to go up.

Leah Roe

We want to have great leadership. We want to have great culture. And that's all amazing. And trust is the catalyst for all of that. Trust comes before every one of those things. You cannot improve. You cannot have those things if you are not focused on trust and building a high trust culture. We also love numbers. Like I said, I started out my career as CPA, so numbers are great. And so this article, the neuroscience of trust, it shows that compared with people at low trust companies, people at high trust companies report 74% less stress, 106% more energy at work, 50% higher productivity, 76% more engagement, 29% more satisfaction with their lives, and 40% less burnout. Raise your hand if you want these at your organization, for yourself or for the people that you work with. Right. I don't even know what 106% more energy at work looks like. What is that? How do you get over 100% incredible. Oh, I see. Noel, do you have your hand? I was.

Leah Roe

Yay. Yes. So these things all come from trust. Who here has seen trust? This Simon Sinek video, trust versus performance. Always a good one to rewatch, but for those of you who haven't seen it, it's a treat. Okay. I'm going to make sure my sound. It says, my sound is shared.

Simon Sinek Video

I've worked with the Navy Seals, and I asked them, how do you pick the guys that go on SEAL team six? Right?Because they're the best. The best, the best, the best. And they drew a graph for me, and on one side they wrote the word performance, and on the other side they wrote the word trust. The way they define the terms is performance on the battlefield and performance off the battlefield. So this is your skills. This is. Did you make your quarterly earnings? Whatever. However you want to translate it. Right? Performance. It's traditional. This is, how are you off the battlefield? What kind of person are you? The way they put it is, I may trust you with my life, but do I trust you with my money and my wife? They're seals. This is what they told me. Nobody wants this person, the low performer of low trust. Of course. Of course. Everybody wants this person, the high performer of high trust. Of course, what they learned is that this person, the high performer of low trust, is a toxic leader and a toxic team member, and they would rather have a medium performer of high trust, sometimes even a low performer of high trust. It's a relative scale over this person. This is the highest performing organization on the planet, and this person is more important than this person. And the problem in business is we have lopsided metrics. We have a million and one metrics to measure someone's performance and negligible to no metrics to measure someone's trustworthiness. And so what we end up doing is promoting or bonusing toxicity in our businesses, which is bad for the long game because it eventually destroys the whole organization.The irony is it's unbelievably easy to find these people. Go to any team and say, who do you trust more than anybody else? Who's always got your back? And when the chips are down, they will be there with you. They will also all point to the same person. It's the best gifted, natural leader who's creating an environment for everybody else to succeed. And they may not be your most individual, highest performer, but that person, you better keep them on your team.

Leah Roe

So as you watch that video, as you listen to it, what's coming up for people in terms of trust versus performance? What thoughts are you having? It resonates and certainly reinforced by experience. Sherry?

Participant

Yeah, I was going to say, I have worked in an environment in the past where I didn't really feel like I trusted my colleagues or the leaders of the organization, and it was a lot harder to be productive. And I feel like when there's that lack of trust, there also is an increase in office politics and gossip and drama, and all of that is so distracting and takes away so much from your productivity. Absolutely. Tom?

Participant

Yeah. I've worked with a high performing, low trust leader before, and it was corrosive and devastating. It set my part of the organization back by years, having to work with this person who did not have our back, who did not support us, and was toxic as hell. And I would much rather work for the people Simon was talking about, the high trust, even medium performance people.

Leah Roe

Absolutely. Getting better at videos, I promise. All right, so all of this is easier said than done, right? So trust is something that's really complex. It's not easy to build, it's not easy to maintain, it's not easy to scale. And in the world we live in now, this hybrid remote environment, it brings on a whole new set of challenges. So how do we do it? How do we intentionally build trust to become a high performing team? So remember, it is our behaviors that build trust. The things that we do. So I want you to take a moment, maybe take out a piece of paper, and I want you to reflect. I want you to think of someone in your life, personal or professional, who you do not trust. You don't trust this person. And I want you to think about what are the behaviors, the things that they do or don't do that break your trust. So think of one, two, three behaviors. What are the things they're doing that causes you to not trust them?

Jess Kent-Johnson

Yeah, I would echo Randy's comment. Lying, talking about you behind your back. Not owning mistakes.

Jess Kent-Johnson

For me, consistent behavior, saying they're doing one thing and then actually doing another.

Leah Roe

Yes. Does anyone else want to share what behaviors break your trust?

Participant

What about those people that only talk to you when they want something?

Participant

Yeah, I was going to say the same thing, maybe differently. That someone who has little to no concern for others.

Isabel McDonough

Unreliable is a big one for me. Or no follow through.

Participant

Yeah. Not hearing me like I share something and I say based on my expertise and they listen to somebody else who doesn't have the same expertise. Not feeling heard, dismissing what I share. Yeah, I often think of the word.

Participant

Slippery when I think of somebody I don't trust. I'm like, you're a little slippery. And the reason for it is because I see you do one thing in one scenario because it serves you well and face something a little bit different, and you switch a roux around in order to either look like the good person, look like you had a good idea, and you're taking people down with you because you're slipping all over the place. So I don't like the slippery behavior.

Leah Roe

I like that term, slippery. Okay, shake it off. It's not fun sitting in the trust breaking behavior land. Now about someone in your life who you completely trust. Could be personal, could be professional, someone you trust totally. And I want you to think about what are the behaviors that they engage in? What are the things that they do that build trust with you when they're reflecting on this? Because when you do the first one of behaviors that break your trust. Everyone looks kind of like this and then this one. Everyone sits up a little bit, just seem a little happier. Thinking about.

Participant

My thing is that they give credit and they take responsibility, particularly in teams.

Leah Roe

Give credit, take responsibility. I love that. Who else? Who else wants to share? What are behaviors that build trust for you when they have a sense of integrity and you don't have to worry about what you're doing when nobody's there? Yeah. Sherry, how about for you?

Participant

For me, it's like if I delegate something to someone, I know they're going to get it done and I don't have to worry or follow up like, oh, did they do it? Did they let it slip through the cracks? Did they not only do it, but do it well? I don't have to have those thoughts. I just know they're going to do it well. Do what they say they're going to do. How about one more, Brittany?

Participant

Something that comes to mind for me. People that I really trust personally and professionally are people that have my best interests in mind, regardless of what's going on externally. So there might be other things going on in the company or other things going on in our life, and maybe even people that want other decisions made that may not be in my best interest, but the people that I have consistently trusted will keep my best interest in mind regardless.

Leah Roe

Thanks for sharing that. So, as you can see, we all have slightly different behaviors that break trust for us, that build trust for us. And so we're going to go over today the five core trust behaviors. And I want you to think of these like a framework. So when you are doing these five behaviors, this is how you are building trust with other people. So we're going to go through, connect, create safety, commit, be clear, and celebrate. So the first core trust behavior is connect. We trust people who we feel connected to. At its core, trust is all about relationships, and relationships are built through genuine, meaningful connections. We trust leaders and teammates who demonstrate that they care about us on a personal as well as professional level. So I like to sum up connection by when I feel seen by you, when I feel heard by you, when I feel valued by you, that is when I trust you. And if any of those elements are missing, if I don't feel seen, if I don't feel heard, if I don't feel valued, trust is either breaking or diminishing. And so what does this look like in action?

Leah Roe

Because, again, these are behaviors we're going to do things to build trust. And I know many of you have probably seen me talk on trust before. And when we do workshops with clients, we have a lot more time so we can go through different examples. So the way I want to do it today is I'm going to give you one behavior for each of these. So for connect, I'm going to give you one behavior. For be clear, I'm going to give you one behavior. Just something I want you to super focus on that's going to help you build trust. So our pro tip for connection is eliminate distractions. Distractions destroy connection. If you are distracted, you are not connecting with the other person. Tell me from all of your perspective, what's it like when you're on a meeting with somebody? Maybe you're in person and they're on their phone the entire time or checking email or checking slack or teams, or what about when you're on a virtual meeting and you can tell that they are not present, they are checking their email. They're doing a million other things. What's that like for you?

Isabel McDonough

Terrible.

Leah Roe

What's terrible about it for you?

Isabel McDonough

It just feels like what I have to say is not interesting enough or not interesting enough or not worth your time and you're just not interested.

Leah Roe

How about for others?

Participant

Highly distracting, right?

Leah Roe

What did you say?

Participant

I'm sorry. It's highly distracting. Just like what was mentioned before. So you're wasting my time now too, right? If you don't want to be here, then get out of the meeting.

Leah Roe

Yeah. Time is being wasted.

Participant

Do you know that there's actually a term for it now called fubbed? So P-H-U-B-B-E-D. Meaning that they are actively engaged in something else when you are supposed to be engaging with them. So it's a newer term, but I don't know if you ever heard it.

Participant

Yeah, the phone snub is the fub. I heard that recently, too. Now I use it all the time. It's a great one.

Leah Roe

Oh, wow. Cool.

Participant

I also find myself hoping that they're retaining what I'm saying because if that's the case, then I'm not going to want to repeat it.

Leah Roe

Yeah. So to eliminate distractions, put down your phone. If you're physically with the other person, show them. Put down your phone. If you're with them in person. Close your laptop. If you're on a remote meeting, do not close your laptop. That gets super awkward because the meeting just ends. But you can verbally say, hey, okay, just so you know, I'm putting down slack, I'm putting down teams. I'm putting my phone on silent. Okay. I'm totally here with you right now. Show them. Indicate to them that you are eliminating distractions so you can be connected with them. Turn off your notifications. Make eye contact if and when possible. And so a lot of times when we work with clients on this and we talk about eliminating distractions, we get, you know what, though? My team, they get it. They understand why I'm always on my phone. They know I'm so busy. They get it. Fair. They do. However, you need to know that just because people understand why you're on your phone and get that you have a big job that has a lot of emails, a lot of messages, you are still damaging that connection and diminishing trust so they can understand why you're doing it.

Leah Roe

But the goal here is to connect and build trust, which you're harming either way. And so this holds true in both your personal as well as your professional life. So your family, your friends, they might understand that you're super busy. You have a lot going on. However, by being on your phone, by being distracted, by being on other things, you are diminishing trust and connection with them. The other thing I want to point out here is that there's this stat that we like to use. Research shows that only 2% of people can effectively multitask. And I have a client who, he allows me to share this story in our sessions, but he is probably in that 2%. He is brilliant. He can be doing 17 things and listening to you and probably repeat back word for word what you said. However, he was diminishing trust with all the people on his team, everyone he worked with. And so we got some information, we got some feedback, and everyone said, he's not listening. He doesn't listen. Anytime we're in a meeting, he's on his phone, he's doing something else. And I asked him, I said, how do you feel about this?

Leah Roe

And he said, well, it's total bs. And I said, really? Tell me more. He says, because I am listening, I can repeat back to them exactly what they said. However, his body language, him showing that he's on his phone, he's doing other things. So even if you can be present while doing something else, you need to realize that the other person is reading your body language as you don't care. This isn't important to you, what they're talking about. Like Isabelle said, what they're talking about isn't as important as this other thing. So even if you can be paying attention to two things at once, just know that you are diminishing. That connection and trust with the other person. So eliminating distractions is the biggest barrier to connection. If you focus your attention here, you will instantly be better at building trust. You'll instantly be better at being present at truly listening to the other person. I love this quote from Simone Wales. She says, attention is the rarest and purest form of generosity. So when you eliminate those distractions, then you can actually pay attention to the other person. The other thing I wanted to note here is that you can take this a step further.

Leah Roe

You can set clear expectations and make this part of your culture. So you can say, hey, on these meetings, when we're together, I want us all to put our phones in the middle of the table, all in a stack. We're not checking our phones. Or if it's a virtual meeting. I want to set some new ground rules, some new expectations. I want us all to be on screen and paying attention. I want us just have one screen up and maybe like a notepad down below. But you can make this part of your culture so that everyone is doing it. Everyone is participating in eliminating distractions. What's coming up for people on this one is anyone like, I was so distracted checking my email, I missed what you said.

Participant

Yeah. What did you say? I was just thinking, what distracted people 20 years ago when smartphones and laptops and stuff wasn't around?

Leah Roe

I know.

Participant

25 years ago. I mean, this had to be a problem then, too.

Participant

The thing about this one is it's so rare when someone really listens to you without distractions that it stands out. I've been in these conversations, and I'll be halfway through, I'll be like, wow, they're really listening to me. And so it's so rare that it's a distinct experience.

Leah Roe

Yeah. Noel, you have your hand raised.

Participant

Leah, I love this tip. And it's something that I feel really passionate about. I also find myself challenged by it as a working parent. So I have two boys in care, and I have one who has a medical condition where if he pops a temperature, I have a very small window of time to get him taken care of. Right. And so the idea of not being able to see that the daycare has reached out over messenger gives me heart palpitations. How would you handle that situation? Because I hear you and I want very much to embrace this. And at the same time, I have this external factor that I would just never forgive myself if I missed something that critical.

Leah Roe

100%. So with this, you're thinking about building trust and connection with other people. And you just explaining that to me? I'm like, if I'm ever on a meeting with Noelle, I expect her to have her phone out and her to be checking. So you can just even say, you know what? I have a child. My kids are in school, or however you want to say it, but I'm going to have my phone out just in case their school needs to get a hold of me. Otherwise, I'm totally connected. I'm here with for you. So it's really just communicating, being clear in your communication to eliminate any confusion for the other party, because the other party might be like, she's on her phone all the time. However, if they just knew, like, oh, it's just for her kids school, then they're totally fine with it.

Participant

I'm in the same situation. I have five children with special needs, and at the start of every meeting, if there's somebody new, I say, I need to let you know my phone is on, and I have to check it, just in case. I'm hoping that nothing happens, but just in case. And people for years have understood, and it hasn't broken any trust for me.

Leah Roe

Thanks for sharing that.

Participant

Thank you for sharing.

Leah Roe

Bill, you have your hand raised.

Participant

I was going to add that a lot of times, the phones, the distractions can lead to the meeting after the meeting, because people weren't paying attention during the meeting or side conversations going on in text about the meeting. So I find it's helpful just to. I mean, let's just get it all out in the meeting, and then we're done.

Leah Roe

Thank you for sharing that.

Participant

Did you guys see Bill's comment about that? He actually actively gets himself out of his desk to go meet with somebody face to face so that they know that he values them. I love that.

Leah Roe

Bill, great tip. Thanks. Randy, you have your hand raised. Yeah.

Participant

So I fully agree, when possible, have your phones away or your doodle pad away, but just kind of a personal story. I have a lot of neurodivergency in my family, and I know one in five of our workforce are also neurodivergent. And when it comes to my sister in particular, if she's looking at you in the eye, that eye contact, that can be a lot more distracting. And so she pays attention by sketching and doodling. So just kind of keep that in mind, too. As you're seeing other people, maybe they might be doodling or not looking you in the eye. They might not look like they're paying attention to. Also just kind of hold a space and not get too offended right off the bat without knowing. Sometimes it might appear that way, but just to be open as well.

Leah Roe

And Randy, thank you for bringing that's if and when possible. And when we do this workshop with clients, we dive deeper into eye contact, specifically because there's research that shows eye contact is big trust builder. However, with neurodivergent population, that can be an issue. So thank you for bringing that up, because it's important that we all have that awareness to not just make judgments right away, but to take time to really learn and understand the people on our team so that we can be more inclusive. Thank you for bringing that up. Okie dokie. We're going to talk about the next core trust behavior, which is create safety. So we trust people who we feel emotionally and psychologically safe with. When we feel safe, we speak up, we admit mistakes, we ask for help, we share our ideas, and we get to be ourselves. As Wendy said, we let our freak flags fly. Is that what you said? Love it. We give our all when we feel safe and our companies thrive as a result. So what does this look like in action? My perk pro tip for you all today is hold a non judgmental space and use safety sentences.

Leah Roe

We're going to go through a few examples of safety sentences, but these are phrases that create psychological safety. So the first one, this is when somebody's bringing up an idea, I recommend you do not say no, or that's a dumb idea, or that will never work. Look for the 10% you say. What I like about that idea is share what you like about it. And what if we. So then you build on top of it. For those of you that have done yes and work, this is a very yes and strategy. So this helps create a psychologically safe space for people to be more innovative, to be more creative, to bring ideas to the table. Because if you bring ideas to the table and you're just shot down, you're going to stop bringing ideas to the table. So use this as a rule. 10% of what the other person is saying is gold and can be built upon. And this is a great rule of thumb for collaboration and also for conflict resolution. Another safety sentence, make it okay to not have the answer. So say I don't know. We do this in trainings. I literally make leaders say the words I don't know over and over again because saying I don't know is one of the most powerful phrases you can say as a leader.

Leah Roe

It is demonstrating that it is okay to not always have the answer that you don't have to be the one to know everything. So get in a collaborative mindset. You know what? I don't know. I don't know the best answer. I don't know what we should do here, and I'm totally okay with that. Let's collaborate. Let's work together to find what the right answer is for us. So while I don't know is one of the most powerful things you can say as a leader, one of the most toxic things you can say is, I don't care. I don't care how it gets done, I don't care how you do it. I don't care. So practice saying I don't know to create that psychological safety and remove I don't care. Even when you're saying like, I don't care how you do it, because you trust them, say it differently. You know what? I always trust you to find the right answer. Or, you're so good at this stuff, let me know if you need help. But I know you will figure out the right way instead of I don't care how you do it. Another safety sentence.

Leah Roe

When something doesn't go as planned, ask what happened instead of what did you do or who did this. That causes a blame culture, that causes finger pointing. Something that I'm personally working on, not at the perk. At the perk I'm pretty good at. But at home, I have a five and a half year old and a two year old, and anytime I hear the two year old crying, I go, what did you do to my five year old? And she told me the other day, she goes, mom, you always think I did it. Amazing. She's trying to get attention. So I'm really practicing this one at home to ask what happened as opposed to what did you do? Even if 99% of the time, I know who the culprit of the issue is. Another safety sentence. I'm sorry. Take ownership and apologize. Remember, we all make mistakes. We are all human. It's not necessarily about your intention. It's about the other person's experience. So take ownership and apologize. Another safety sentence. I need help. Demonstrate, especially for you leaders out there, demonstrate that it is okay to ask for help again, you don't have all the answers, and that's okay.

Leah Roe

You need help from your team. And I just want to give an example. Last week, I needed so much help. I was so underwater. I was so overwhelmed with my workload. And so I said to steph, my teammate, I said, I need help. And she said, awesome. What's one thing I can take off your plate. And I said, I am so stuck. I'm so underwater. I don't even, like, I don't even know what's one thing you can take off my plate. And so she took it a step further and was like, would it help if we got together to just collaborate? We can whiteboard, you can just get it all out, and then I can be there to help you prioritize and figure out who we need to help with this stuff. So I just thought that was such a beautiful example of when somebody says, I need help, how you can respond to it in a way that it's helpful for them. And, Emily, you gave a really good tip yesterday when we were talking about this. Do you want to share? Giving three options?

Emily Smit

Yeah. So we did a burnout series a little bit ago, and one of the things that really resonated with me was oftentimes when you want to help people, say, let me know how I can help. And everybody has the best intentions, but often when you're the person that needs help, you don't always ask for it. And so the tip that they give was instead of just saying, let me know how I can help, say, can I do a, b or c? Like, I would like to do something like one of these things. And then it gives them three options and they can pick one. And so I've actually been using that personally and I find it goes so much longer, instead of just saying, let me know how I can help you. I'm here if you need anything, say, hey, I would love to help you. Can I bring you dinner? Can I watch your kids? Can I do something else? And then they can pick something. And so that's been a really great kind of shift for me.

Leah Roe

That's awesome. All right. That is create safety. How are we feeling, safety creators? Amazing. Okay, we're going to go to the next one, which is commit the next core trust behavior. Commit. We trust people when they do the things that they say they're going to do. This comes up all the time. Any trust workshop we do, any team we work with on building trust, something that comes out is trust is diminishing because they say they're going to do this thing and then they don't do it. So this is all about reliability and follow through. I like to tell people, if you're having a day and you're like, you know what? I'm just going to go out and I'm going to break trust with everybody. I hope nobody actually does that, but one of the fastest ways to do that is to go make a bunch of commitments that you know you can't keep. So one of our clients, they call this your say do ratio, and I love that. What percentage of the time are you actually doing the things that you say you're going to do? So what does this look like in action?

Leah Roe

What is the perk pro tip for today? This one is kind of to the point, just do what you say you're going to do. So when you commit to doing something, follow through with it, whether for a client, a teammate, or yourself, make it happen. However, if you determine it can't be done or that you need help, which, again, we just talked about is totally okay, it's good to need help. Communicate that. Let your team know ASAP so that they can pivot or so they can have the opportunity to step in and support you. Something that's really important to remember here is that you are human. You are human. The people you work with are human. No one is really like, I'm going to commit to all this stuff, even though I know I can't get it done. We over commit constantly because we get excited about it. We want to be able to do it. We believe we can do it, and then life happens. I got an email this morning that somebody in my daughter's daycare has pink eye. So I know pink eye is coming through our house. People get sick. Things happen.

Leah Roe

So you commit to these things. You want to be able to do them, but sometimes, oftentimes, life happens. So just remember that. So it's okay if you've committed to something and you determine it can't be done because of whatever factors, however, communicate. Communicate ASAP. Wendy, you have your hand up.

Participant

I do. So this has come up more than once in my life, personally and professionally. And one thing that has been really helpful for me as well, is practicing the art of what it looks like to say no, to model the behavior of saying no, so that you're not even in the circumstance where I can't do that thing. Now, because pink eye is coming into my house, you already have the space for the pink eye to come into your house because you already made some really good priorities and the ability to say no. And this comes in really well to the creating safety, because people don't say no when they don't feel safe enough to say no. Like there's going to be some sort of a repercussion. So, yeah, this is a wonderful practice, the art of saying no. So you don't even have to scramble.

Leah Roe

As you move forward. Love that. And I feel like I just want to call that like the pink eye rule or something. I'm creating space because pink eye will come, it will be here. One of the things I want to note is that all of these behaviors, all these trust behaviors are on a spectrum for people. So it's not like a light switch where it's like off on trust. It's like dials. So for some people, commit, doing what you say you're going to do is like a 100 level. It's like if you do not do exactly what you said you were going to do, I don't trust you. And then for others, it's like, well, I'm more at the, I don't know, laid back end of this one. So, for example, if you say, like, hey, I'm going to be here tomorrow at nine for the team meeting and I'm going to bring donuts. For some people, if you do not show up at 09:00 a.m. With donuts, trust is gone. For other people, they're like, you know what? You got here at noon with bagels. Great. You showed up today. You brought food. We're good.

Leah Roe

Some people are in the middle. You got here at 915 with some sort of food for the team. We're good. So all of these behaviors are on a spectrum, which is why it's really important for the people in your lives, whether at home or on your team, that you have conversations around these behaviors. What are the behaviors that build trust for you? What are the behaviors that break trust for you? Kind of like that reflection we did in the beginning. Think about somebody at work or in your personal life who you completely trust. What are the behaviors that build trust for you? So you have this awareness, okay, I know that this person commit is huge for them. And I know I'm going to be late tomorrow, so I'm going to let them know now. So just remembering that, that we're all kind of at different areas of the spectrum for these behaviors, does anyone remember boy meets world? Like old school boy meets world? Okay, we're going to watch a little clip from that. Let me know if my sound works.

Boy Meets World Video

Mr. Feeney, the only thing I'm not. Worried about in my life right now is Cory and my friendship. Oh, here we go. I knew it was here somewhere. And my eagerness to depart for the weekend, I forgot to take it home. What is it? Canvas. I often paint on the weekends. Very strong material, difficult to rip. Give it a try. Go on. Of course, rugged as it is even the smallest snip. And you see, Mr. Hunter, once the integrity has been breached, even the strongest fabric can unravel even the strongest friendship. Yeah. Well, here, have a bandana.

Leah Roe

So this video is just to demonstrate, know, everything that we do, all of our behaviors, they're either building trust or they're breaking trust. And small things can erode trust. And it's really important that this is why we need to have these conversations on our team so that we are not unintentionally breaking trust with those that we're working with. Okay, I'm doing a time check. Emily's probably freaking out because I'm taking too long. Okay.

Emily Smit

I'm sure everybody's like, oh, my gosh, she's only three points into this.

Leah Roe

Okay, the next trust building behavior is be clear. So we trust people who are clear and consistent with their words, intentions, and actions. Ambiguity and confusion in all forms leads to distrust. So if you have ambiguous or confusing expectations, priorities, goals, requests, deadlines, roles and responsibilities, ownership areas, boundaries. If you're inconsistent, you are going to be breaking trust. Our friends over at boldly and co. They are a productivity. They're productivity experts and productivity researchers. They found that 30% of the day is wasted because people are not clear on who owns what and what they are actually supposed to be working on. So clarity is huge for trust as well as productivity. So perk pro tip. Communicate your why. When you are communicating something to somebody, make sure you are clear on what you want, but also why you want it. Who here has been told what to do but not why? Have you ever had someone tell you what to do but not why? Who likes that feeling? Autumn, I'm sure you're not raising your hand because you like that feeling. No. Yeah. So being told what to do and not why causes a lot of feelings that are not good.

Leah Roe

We feel disrespected. We feel resentful, unimportant, frustrated, confused. It does not feel good to just be told what to do and not why. When we understand the purpose behind something, we're more engaged. We're more motivated to complete that task or change our behavior. We understand the purpose behind it. We understand the big picture. So we can be more autonomous, we can make better decisions. Also, when somebody takes the time to explain the purpose behind something, it demonstrates care and respect. And for us, that increases our pride in our work, our pride in our team, and also in the organization. So when you're communicating, think about, what is my expectation? What do I want? And then pull it back to your why. Why do I want this? What is the purpose of this expectation or request? Why is it important? How will this help us achieve our goal, and how will it help us do that in a productive way? So let me give you an example. I said to my teammate, I want you to start sending dashboards to our clients each week. Now, if I just said that, I want you to take a more negative spin on it, just for funsies.

Leah Roe

If I just said that, what might this person make up in their head for why I'm asking this?

Participant

She doesn't trust me that things are getting done for each client each week.

Leah Roe

Yep. Emily, were you going to say something?

Emily Smit

I was going to say maybe leah thinks that I don't have enough going on, that I needed more stuff to do.

Leah Roe

Emily, that sounded a little too just.

Emily Smit

Jumjay with that answer close to home.

Leah Roe

I know this one well. No pulling it back to the why. Why? What's the purpose? I want you to start sending dashboards to our clients each week, because this is a way that we can build trust with our clients by ensuring that we're always aligned. They'll be clear on where we're at in their program, what's coming up, any roadblocks we have. It's also a way we can stay connected with them, even when it's async. So when we communicate something, if we don't take the time to communicate the purpose, the other person is going to make up a reason why in their head. So just eliminate that confusion. Make sure trust isn't unintentionally breaking down. And a lot of people, when we teach this, are like, duh, of course we should be communicating our why with what we're asking. However, what we see is that when things get very busy and time is short, this is one of the first leadership skills that just gets tossed out the window. Leaders start directing people, telling them what to do, but not providing reasons why. And again, in these busy times, these stressful times, then you're having so much more distrust, disconnection, and disengagement.

Leah Roe

So just remember, this seems like a duh one, but we see this one tossed out constantly. Okay, we're almost there. Hang on, everybody. The last core trust behavior is celebrate. So we trust people who believe in us and our abilities and want us to be successful. We trust those who demonstrate that they recognize, appreciate, and celebrate who we are and what we do. So we all share a biological need to be seen, heard, and valued, not only for our accomplishments, but for who we are. As people and how we show up in the world genuinely cheering someone on and supporting them in achievement of their goals is a major trust builder. And we all like to be on teams who feel joy in watching other people succeed. We all like to be on teams who take the time to celebrate personal and professional wins. So what does this look like in action? Your perk pro tip. I want you to ask the people on your team or at home how do they like to be celebrated? So recognition has the most impact when it's personalized. And according to this awesome study done by Gallup and work human, only 10% of people report being asked about their preferences for receiving recognition.

Leah Roe

Some people love public recognition. Some people hate it. Some people love it constantly. Some people only want it once in a while. So everyone is different. So one of the things I like to use for this tip is, has anyone done the five love languages? Yeah. So they also have the five languages of appreciation in the workplace, which is the same languages, but it's talking about work. So ask your teammates, in what ways do you like to be valued? In what ways do you like to be recognized or celebrated? And maybe they are a words of affirmation person. So you can send them text messages, you can send them teams slack messages emails, but you can make sure that they know they're doing a really great job and what they're doing that you think is so great. Some people might want to spend more time with you, so you can invite them to lunch or figure out another way for you to spend time together. Some team members might like to be appreciated and recognized through acts of service. So you can offer to help organize the file cabinet so your teammate can focus on a client proposal or something along those lines.

Leah Roe

Also, tangible gifts. Maybe you have people on your team who really like to be recognized with a $5 Starbucks gift card. I learned this real quick when I was head of people and culture at a company. I was like, one loves $5 coffee gift cards. Turns out everyone does not. Some people took that as a huge slap in the face for recognition, and other people loved it. So that's where I really started to learn. People are different. They want to be recognized and celebrated in different ways. And that's amazing. Let's celebrate that last but not least, appropriate physical touch we're talking about at work. So don't go out hugging and kissing everyone. I'm not recommending that. But high fives are a great thing. So appropriate physical touch. But again, some people might hate that. They might never want you to high five or hug them ever. So have this conversation. Learn. In what ways do they like to be recognized and appreciated? So you can ask your team in one on ones this question. You can send them a quick message. When I gave this workshop for our client last month and they all took a break to get on their phones and they're like, let's challenge each other.

Leah Roe

We're going to text three coworkers each and figure out what ways they like to be valued. You can also make this a part of your onboarding, so it's something that you have operationally running. I mean, how amazing is that? When you start a new company and they're like, okay, great. And also we want to make sure that we recognize you in a way that feels right for you. In what ways do you like to be recognized? And if they're like, I have no idea. No one's ever asked me that. You can talk about those five different languages of appreciation in the workplace, or you can give examples of how other people at the organization like to be recognized. Take a deep breath. We're so close. How are we feeling, Laura? You let out a big deep breath. You're like, okay, so with all of these trust behaviors, the thing to remember is that consistency is key. You cannot be like, you know what, I connected with Jim one time three years ago. I have no idea why he doesn't trust me. You have to be doing these things on a daily basis for that trust to be built, maintained and scaled.

Leah Roe

So to scale trust at your organization, you need your five core trust behaviors. You need to be doing them consistently. If you are doing this. Unfortunately, trust is not just a solo sport, it has to be a team sport. So if your organization is focused on these behaviors, doing these things consistently, that is how you're going to scale trust. So I want to know, we're going to annotate. I'll explain what it is, and then, Emily, you can explain how to annotate, but I want to know which one of these are you currently best at. Emily, you can explain annotate.

Emily Smit

So, great for annotate. If you're on a computer in the lower left hand corner, there's going to be a little green pencil. That's going to be annotate. So click on that. Then on the toolbar on the left hand side, you're going to click the little checkmark, which is a stamp. You can select what stamp you like and then go ahead and just click on the screen and your stamp will show up. But again, that's the little green pencil in the lower left hand corner.

Participant

May I ask a yes? Yes, Sam. Are we answering what are we best at as individuals in the workplace, or what is our organization best at?

Leah Roe

Great question. As individuals, we have a lot of connects, a lot of commits, create safeties, a couple be clears, a couple of celebrates. Nice. Okay, I have one more question for you. Emily, you want to clear for me? Okay, ready? Next one. Which one do you want to work on? You might have several that you should work on. Which one do you want to work on? Does anyone want to share about which one they picked and why? Tom?

Participant

Yeah, I'm like a one trick prony for celebrating. I'm bad at it. And so we used to just go to outback because it was close to where I used to work when we worked in person. And that was a so, like, I lost my one trick when we went remote.

Leah Roe

So your whole team was like, tom keeps sending us outback gift cards. I don't even know where the outback is. Randy. Yeah.

Participant

So we always say that we are going to do better on our teams, whether it's engagement team or HR team, at celebrating our wins. But we really struggle with the constant rush of tasks to remember to celebrate. And how do we celebrate in a diverse way without costing too much money and not just saying, oh, my gosh, good job, how do we celebrate? So that's something I would like to get better at, is following through with our commitment to celebrating a little bit more and finding small, easy, tangible ways that are still meaningful that don't become a know extra meeting in somebody's day that they don't have time for.

Leah Roe

Yeah. Yay. Sounds like an awesome commitment. Autumn, what were you going to say?

Participant

You mentioned it, but it's difficult to personalize celebrations, and I had to learn that the hard way. We have a hyper maintenance employee who wants a lot of recognition, but she's been with us for 27, almost 28 years, and we've held parties for her. We've celebrated her at entire company gatherings, all of this stuff. And one day she just came up to us and said, all I want is a plaque to put on my wallet. We were like, okay, great, so we'll consider the personalization next time.

Leah Roe

Yeah, well, it's amazing because a lot of times we think, oh, my gosh, it's going to cost us so much money and all this stuff to do this recognition. It's like if you just ask, if you just genuinely ask and listen, you're going to give employee the people you work with, what they want. And a lot of times, it looks very different than what you would assume. Like, I just want my kids to see this plaque on our wall at home. Yeah. I'm sorry. Is it Bobby or Bobby Jean? It's Bobby Jean, but I'll respond to Bobby.Okay. Apologize for earlier, then. Bobby Jean.

Participant

Okay. I'm forgiving. Don't worry about it. Leah, the commit one really stuck with me as something I need to work at. I think I need to remember that I'm not single and in my 20s anymore and that there's a limit to what I can commit to. And I always want to do it all, and I want to be the best team player, but I'm not being the best team player when I overcommit myself. And so that's definitely something I want to challenge myself to really work on, because there's other great team members that are just as capable, maybe more capable, and I need to rely on them and not over commit, which breaks trust in my team.

Leah Roe

Yes. And I think you bring up such a good point. We have the ability to commit to more things at different points in our. Like, sometimes we go through these periods of time where it's just like, you know what? I have to limit the amount that I'm committing to right now because of other life circumstances. Joanna. Hi, by the way. Thanks for coming. Hi, there. Kind of going off of what Bobby Jean just said, too.

Participant

I think not only is it being able to say no and understanding what it is, but I have a really high sense of urgency. And so when a problem comes to me or an employee comes to me, it's like, okay, let's tackle this problem. Let's solve it. And I don't always take the time to connect and establish that necessary relationship or rapport, the empathy that is necessary in order to kind of establish the trust. I just want to solve the problem well,

Leah Roe

I think that's great self awareness. And you can even say that when they bring you probably like, okay, my problem solving monster is just going crazy right now. First of all, though, how are you? How are things? Okay, we'll get to the problem solving, but I think you can even just communicate that to them, and it doesn't take long. It's like 10 seconds, 30 seconds, and you're good. Brittany.

Participant

I am very similar. And with that, though, I want to work on being clear, because I want to be able to communicate expectations and delegate more, as well. And sometimes I find that I have worked with people who I'm on the same wavelength, and they kind of get what I'm looking for and I maybe don't have to spend as much time being clear on my expectations. And other times I'm working with people who I might not be on the same wavelength and then I find that kind of maybe we're not on the same page or kind of that start stop and then I see that trust disintegrating and those expectations not being met or them being frustrated or them having difficulty, and then it just kind of goes downhill from there. So really being very intentional on the fact that people can't read my mind and I want to go into solution mode and just be like, let me just do this and let me just figure this out together. But instead really establishing that trust by figuring out how to be very clear with each individual person and it's going to be different for each.

Leah Roe

Ah, absolutely amazing. Thanks for sharing that. All right, Emily, can you clear for me? Woohoo. Give yourself a round of applause. You did it. You're all trust experts now. So I'd be a terrible coach if I let you all just go off into the world with this knowledge and not make a commitment for what are you going to do with it? So I want you to take a moment and either write it on a piece of paper or type it in the chat or say it out loud. What's one thing you're going to take from today, one thing you're going to put into action in the next 30 days, something that's going to positively impact your life or your culture or your team or your workplace? One thing who wants to share theirs? Out loud? Let us hold you accountable now. No one's going to, Wendy.

Participant

This is a face I'm making because I don't want to say it out loud, but that means I have to say it out loud when you sit in that space. So I have been saying out loud. I run a few programs in different areas of my life where I really need the checklist binder. Here's what I need to do at this point of the program every time because I run it annually for a little bit of time. And then like nine months goes by and here comes the program again. And I'm like, what did I do? I don't remember. I just need to get my ducks in a row and get that process written out. And I am going to commit to doing that within the next 30 days for two of my programs because I'm already feeling the stress reduced by knowing I'll have it in the future. So I keep saying I'm going to do it.I'm going to do it. And boy howdy, I know there's going to be people who will be happy when it's done, including myself.

Leah Roe

So owning it, own it, do what you say you're going to do. These behaviors, these five behaviors also work for self trust. So follow through on what you commit to. You're going to build trust with yourself. Amazing. How about one more? One more out loud share? I need to work on commit, but before I can work on commit, I need to work on setting realistic estimates of how long things will take. Yes. Love that. Amazing. All right, friends, thank you so much for coming today, for spending your morning with me and talking about trust. We'll put this link in the chat, but if you would like the slides from today, we're happy to share them. So just go there. I think you put in your email or something. We'll send those out to you because you all RSVP, you'll get the recording from today automatically. But if you do want the slide deck, just fill that out and we will get that sent over to you. And you're all amazing. Each one of you is absolutely amazing. So we have technically two minutes left. If there are any questions, thoughts, ideas, last minute things you want to say to the group, now is a perfect time.

Participant

Thank you for sharing your perspectives. I learned a lot from everyone today, including Leah. So thanks for being.

Participant

Oh, thanks, Noelle. Jay's giving a thumbs up. There we go. I randomly stumbled across a Facebook post of people asking for onboarding tips, and then I got sent a link and I got sent a link to this meeting and now I'm probably going to be joining every month.

Leah Roe

Amazing.

Participant

You need to. It's amazing.

Leah Roe

Thanks. One more. Who has one more thing they want to say? I'll go.

Participant

Corny. Leah, thank you as always, for delivering an amazing event, and we trust you to help us with our work in building culture in our own companies.

Leah Roe

Thanks, Tom. I really hope that you send me an outback gift card so we can hang out and go to the outback steakhouse. That would be an appreciation for me. He's writing it down. I guarantee he doesn't do.

Participant

He's never going to share again on these calls.

Leah Roe

Amazing. Blooming onions for everyone. Yes. All right, everyone. Have a great, great day. And if you need anything at all, please do not hesitate to reach out. Thanks, everybody.

Leah Roe

Bye, everyone. Bye.